have you ever woken up drenched in a pool of tears?

that just happened to me this morning, and it was scaryyyyyy. i should have gotten up and stayed up, because in that extra 45 minutes of sleep, i experienced the most traumatic nightmare. 

anyhow, in the dream, my parents and i went on vacation, and it was our last day there (the place looked remarkably like wellington city but i don't think i dreamt i was in new zealand). anyway, my parents went off to borrow car from a friend/family member (?) and my job was to walk with them to the side of a street and wait with the luggage until they come back with the car. i waited and waited, and no one came back for me. it started raining, and some of my friends showed up and took me home with them. the entire time, i kept questioning where i was going and where my parents were, and i was very convinced that they had ditched me. as i walked away, i kept looking back at the luggage sitting on the side of the road.

and then my dad showed up, and he didn't say where he's been or what he was doing, and i kept asking him where my mom was. and he was just as confused of her whereabouts. he said that he wasn't responsible for picking up the car because mom was supposed to pick him up then pick me up. we returned to my old house (i dream about this house every time i dream about something scary), and in the midst of all this, a neighbour was beating the crap out of her kid on the front lawn. i got pissed and went over and beat the crap out of her. then i walked into the house and out onto the back porch with 911 on the line. there was a bus of kids who weren't kids (?) and a creepy guy (who looked like the master in the 3 ninjas) in our driveway. the guy came up to us and told us that's there's no hope and that we should move on.

i called 911 again and told them what this guy was telling us, that there was a huge plane that crashed on the side of a hill, crushing all the cars below it. the guy on the other line confirmed that there was such an accident, and the hill was near the street where i was waiting. suddenly, i started crying in my dream because the creepy guy told me that my mom was probably driving there during that time and that she was probably crushed to death. i didn't believe him, but he told me to ask my neighbours because three of their family members didn't make it back driving near that hill.

and then i woke up crying out for my mom. i don't know if anyone heard me, but i was super scared when i woke up. i guess lately, i've just been missing home a lot, so it makes sense that i would dream about my parents. :( maybe this is an unconscious reflection on how scared i am to have to grow up pretty soon, that i can't just rely on my parents, especially my mom, to take care of me like they did when i was six or sixteen?